An even deeper dive into the content of Hidden Hues.
Hidden Hues - The Beginning of Trevor
I was intensely competitive. While this kept me a topic of discussion in many circles, this also gave me a false idea of my worth being my productivity. I was competitive, so I was successful. People saw I was driven.
I was also always trying to run shit. If I wasn’t able to be the director of something, I needed to have a lead role in some capacity. I always made sure my face and contribution were noticeable and recognized.
I learned when I was younger that I craved attention and community. I wonder what that seeking looks like as an adult?
It was powerful for me to develop a big head in my school, but have my ego smashed when I made it to the District Concert Band, encountering affluent students who came with resources. As I got further along in High School, I also noticed what hierarchy looked like with Advanced Placement classes – some of which I didn’t make it into (Damn Chemistry and Physics and Maths!). When you are younger and you are ‘great’ because of the ease of things, life is fantastic. As you continue to age, however and see true competition. . . well. Maybe we all react differently to that.
I wasn’t at complete peace with Self, I recall trying to hide my sexuality, hiding my ‘swish’ to prevent being bullied. I do believe that is why I was so competitive. “You assholes can make fun of me, but I’m going to escape this place and be better than all of you one day.” That was a thought I carried all through high-school.
I cannot, and won’t deny where I come from though. You can catch my 'Pittbsurghese' in my voice in this episode: I say I grew up in a ‘still-mill’- town, in reference to the steel industry revolution in the Mon Valley area and Pittsburgh. You will hear a true Pittsburgher say ‘Pittsburgh Stillers’ to refer to our football team. We make the ‘E’ sound like an ‘I’!
Interesting fact, the first Steel Mill in America opened up in Braddock, 30 min from my house, in 1872. We still have active mills here, and in recent years, my county, Allegheny, has been ranked in the past as having the worst air pollution in the nation.
I’m truly happy that I was able to find a ray of light in Episode 1 of Hidden Hues. My traits of competitiveness and orchestration are just that – TRAITS. I have used them to do damage, and I have used them to create. We all have the ability to use our traits, shift them in a positive manner. I hope you hold onto that, dear reader.
Photo: I was maybe 16 here. This was the album cover of a project of mine (I used to make music and sell CD's in high school y'all!") This was a solo project, The Composition Master, and I remember making it with these different streaks of color to represent my different sides, my sexiness, my anger, my pain, my victory--it's CRAZY to me that over a decade later this image would find it's way back to me and perfectly represent The Hidden Hues Podcast. Isn't it also interesting that The Composition Master has the same first letters of Trevor C. Miles, And TrevorCMedia... :-)